Jackmoves and the Beanstalk

By: Q. Busy


Fool what you want? We stiflin' them fools/Fool what you want? Your life or your jewels? -Lil Fame of M.O.P, "Ante Up"

Beware the media you consume. Hidden agendas and veiled messages run rampant throughout all avenues and facets of television, theatre, film, music and literature. Even your commercial breaks. What’s more alarming is that this covert propaganda is nothing new. Like pimping, it’s been going on since the beginning of time. And it’s gonna continue straight ahead until somebody out there turns the lights off on this small planet.

Can you dig it?

Some of these messages are harmless, comedic even. Like Scar from “The Lion King” being a subtle caricature of soul singer, Nick Ashford, of Ashford and Simpson. Others have more serious, tragic undertones like the Mother Goose nursery rhyme, “Hey Diddle Diddle,”—a commentary on being faithful to your partner. Everybody knows at the end how the dish runs away with the spoon. Yet read between the lines and you’ll see that the dish and spoon were ill-fated undercover lovers that were fleeing for their lives and brutally murdered half a mile down the highway after being discovered by the dish’s husband, "KNIFE".

Mother Goose could be deep if she wanted to be.

Anyway, whether these messages are comic or tragic, they all have one thing in common. They are written by……writers.

And it’s a common known fact that writers abuse lots and lots and LOTS of drugs and alcohol. Even your beloved ‘Incredulous Scribes’ are not exempt. We are all proud, card-carrying members of the:

“United Federal Allied International Conglomeration for Marijuana Smokers, Creational Drug and Other Substance Abusers Bureau.”

What...? Writing's a tough gig. Just before every post drops, me and my fellow Incredulous Scribes (Q Double, Snug McNugg Ph. DDD, and Matrix) get together and do several lines of coke just to take the edge off.

You try creating effectively recreating the five senses, all while being witty, informative and entertaining all merely with words...JUST WORDS!!

Why do you think so many emcees are constantly bragging about being "nice without the pen?" It's liberating to be freed from those constraints and just "freestyle it" if only for just a moment. Now, whether those same rappers sucked ass after (or even before) abandoning written rhymes is up for debate in another article.

Anyway, I'm straying. Back on topic.

Subliminal messages in any capacity can be either alarming or refreshing depending on the message being conveyed. However in no genre does it stand out more than in children's books. What did you think, all children's were written by nice old little ladies who enjoy knitting and feeding orphans in their spare time? Aiight then.

BELOW is the nigga that wrote "James and the Giant Peach".

It shoulda been called "James and the Giant Peach That Was Used to Lure Him into His Neighbor's Basement Where James Was Held As a Sex Slave For The Next 12 Years Before Breaking Free in the Middle of the Night and Killing Him in His Sleep."

For the most disturbing case of appalling subliminals in children's books, look no further than "Jack and the Beanstalk." A story that promotes:

• breaking and entering
• vandalism
• nationalism
• murder
• rape of a magical singing harp (I'm sure it happened)

A white man had to have written 'Jack and the Beanstalk'...

Okay I take that back. ANYBODY could have written the tale, but to go over well with audiences, Jack HAD to be white. Sorry, it's true. Only in a tale like that could a thieving asshole and his equally deplorable mama be made out be sympathetic protagonists.

So what are we supposed to feel sad and empathize with them because they are poor and helpless? Go out and get a job you PUNK BITCHES! Ain't that what them conservative pricks be tellin us?

I mean...there the giant was, minding his own business, maybe having a few giant brews and tryna score sum giant pussy later on that night and along comes Jack breaking into his castle and stealing his golden-egg laying goose and magical harp and shit. Really?! Who’s the true victim here? And then in the end of it all, the giant suffers a terrible fate by falling to his death after merely trying to capture Jack's punk ass for stealing his shit.

This tale teaches our children that such behavior is admirable and noble. Meanwhile classics modern day classics like Soul Plane and Pootie Tang get universally panned.

It ain't right man. It's just not right.