Outbreak

DISCLAIMER: This news article is not an attack on the South. Just dumb sons of bitches in general. The author is actually from S.C. Still…kill yourself if you can’t take a joke.

OUTBREAK

By: Q. Busy

Contributions By: Matrix

"Fuck the dopeboy shit, to me it's played out/You still livin' wit ya moms runnin' ya mouth." -Rapper 'Matrix' on "Section 8 Anthem"

A virus has infiltrated and begun making its way through a small town in the upstate portion of the state of South Carolina. Officials are warning residents of Fountain Inn to be wary of the IaNR virus.

Uncharacteristic of many viruses, this particular strand of agent can be clearly seen without the aid of a light microscope and may easily replicate without being inside the living cells of another organism.

Early reports of those who have sighted the virus say that the virus normally travels in numbers of ten or more and are highly attracted to: tacky over-modified old automobiles, public displays of ignorance, and large wads of rubberbanded one-dollar bills.

Citizens of the small town are perplexed as until now, many thought that their home state was immune to IaNR. Dr. Andreas Younger, lead researcher at Compton Medical Center in Southern California, has been familiar with the virus for over 25 years.

"The IaNR virus," Dr. Younger says, "has been very prevalent in many black communities throughout the United States since coming to prominence in the mid 1990's."

It has especially been flourishing in larger metropolitan areas in the southeastern region of the country which neighbor South Carolina.

"Florida, Alabama, Louisiana and Georgia have all been ravaged by the virus in recent years," Dr. Younger added. Large scale infection of these areas was preceded by cases on the eastern and western coasts of the U.S.

Young misguided impressionable males and gullible ass females are all especially at risk to be overtaken by the 'Ignant-ass Negro Rapper’ virus.

A posting of a rap video by a pack of IaNR viruses from Fountain Inn, S.C. has brought new profile to the ever spreading threat. Many locals have contacted Incredulous Scribes to voice their concern.

Local hotel worker, Jamal Alston, weighs in. “Now in my lifetime I've seen some ignant ASS SHIT,” Alston, 28, said. “Eight years of Bush, CelebReality on VH1, the success of Soulja Boy, and Juwanna Mann. But this right here is some ole bullshit. These niggas is clown shoes.”

In the video, many of the viruses are depicted smoking weed, flashing guns at the camera, and counting stacks of money which they very likely pooled together at the beginning of the shoot after three years of recycling cans.

In an interesting twist, many of the men have now been identified and police are seeking charges against additional individuals for handling a firearm in a public park within city limits.

“These niggas don’t even need snitches,” former rap artist and current suckass Coolio says. “They’re telling on themselves, AND ON CAMERA! By the way…you got any change?”

Independent rap artist and Incredulous Scribes contributor, Matrix, feels a swell of disappointment when watching the video.

“It’s a shame. To see all those black men in that video and this is the cause that brought them together. A bunch of zombie-ass followers.”

While there is no known cure for IaNR, there are several known effective combatants. Literacy, higher education, and birth control…

…lots and lots of birth control.

Further deterrents include: avoiding popular radio, Black Entertainment Television, any night clubs that covertly advertise their events by sneaking into your garage at 2:30 am and shoving 30 handflyers under your wiper blades.

When contacted for follow up interview to succeed the so very eloquent one conducted before the music video and their latest troubles surrounding it, Levarious ‘Stompdown’ Burrell simply responded:

“We blame the white man.”

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True S.C. Hip Hop

Matrix - "Section 8 Anthem" ft. Grind City