The Circularity of Damaged Relationships

Kiss me, feel the fireworks, watch the sky/I make you smile, but you’d rather have what makes you cry.

-Tupac Shakur (Jon B ‘Are You Still Down’)

Disclaimer: I’m not even supposed to be writing about this shit. Snugg and Q Double, this is more of their thing. There are plenty of dumb things out there happening right now that I, Q. Busy, could be ridiculing, satirizing or making fun of. But instead I’m here. Writing ANOTHER an article about—of all things—relationships.

To all of our faithful readers, yes, all three of you, I apologize in advance if this comes across as redundantnessousity (word I just made up). But this topic gives us SO fuckin much material that I don’t think it’ll ever tire upon us.

Q Double:

Whatever son, just hurry the hell up. It’s just about time you returned with a proper article. That “Relationships and Gum” shit barely even qualified as a tweet.

Q. Busy:

Fuck off. Tweet deez nigga.

Both:

@IncScribes

So sit back, relax, catch a contact, sip ya Cognac.

I present to you.

The Circularity of Damaged Relationships

All men are dogs. Men ain’t shit. All men cheat. Once a hoe, always a hoe…Coolio sucks.

Okay I added that last one in myself, but you get the point.

We hear these phrases all the time. Whether it be in music, television, movies or your latest voicemail message. The tale of the tired, philandering, trifling, no-good man is as often repeated as Baby Boy and ATL on BET.

Not that I would know anything about watching BET because it fucking sucks balls.

Anyway, so often we hear it that we become numb to it. And by WE, I only mean WOMEN. And eventually, after enough repeat verbal conditioning and lessons learned the hard way, WOMEN actually begin to believe these phrases to be fact.

But come on. Just how stupid is that? ALL men are cheaters?! How the fuck you know? Have you met and dated all men?

No? Well shut the fuck up and keep reading while I school yo ass, you might learn something. And if it’s not too late for you, you might actually have time to change yourself and whatever it is that attracts you to toxic ass men and them to you.

It Starts Early

Women, chances are, the prettier you are the MORE this section of the article will apply to you. I don’t know why, it’s just the way it is. So if you’re ugly you can either choose to skip ahead to a later part of the article that I haven’t yet typed. Or maybe I’ll just leave a large blank spot further down that you could stare at and wish that it was your dream guy staring back you and singing you sucka-ass Boys II Men songs. Who knows, I haven’t decided yet.

On second thought I actually DO know why this section of the article applies more to pretty women. Prettier women naturally have more options when choosing a mate, because men are visual creatures. Women on the other hand are more attracted to power, dominance, and things like social standing. So basically a man could look like this guy:

AND be the biggest asshole on his side of town, and women are gonna want him if OTHER women want him.

And what do other women want? What are they attracted to? Power, dominance, and things like social standing. Damn, didn’t I just say this shit?

It starts early. As early as elementary school. Little 8-year-old girls are attracted to the best dressed asshole in class, or maybe the asshole who could run the fastest, or perhaps even the asshole who could fight well and stayed in trouble—the rebellious asshole.

These patterns of attraction follow you right up through adolescence and into high school. All the while, you’ve been ignoring the studious straight-laced guys. They weren’t exciting or challenging enough. And it’s not that you didn’t even find them physically attractive. It’s just that OTHER women didn’t want them, so automatically you don’t want them either. Because even though we all know women secretly hate each other, all of that fuck-the-haters rhetoric aside, they still care about what each other thinks.

Q. Busy:

Damn, maybe I’m being too harsh on all women. I mean, I know that they’re merciless with their “Men ain’t shit” rantings, but two wrongs don’t make a right. Maybe I should ease off a bit.

Q Double:

Yo, whatever Eddie Kang-from-The Five Heartbeats. They get their shine every time a Beyonce record is played. Every time a Terry McMillian book is sold, every time ‘Girlfriends’ is on.

Q. Busy:

Yeah, no doubt, you right. I was just sayin the other da— Wait, who the FUCK is Eddie Kang?

Q Double:

Son you know Eddie Kang! “A Heart is a House” Eddie Kang. Two wrongs don’t make a right/But tonight is the night I kept you guessing, Eddie Kang.

Q. Busy

Maaaaan fuck you AND Eddie Kang. Any way where was I?

So basically you women ignore the good guys in favor of assholes. Pretty faced assholes, assholes with money, assholes with a nice car, the “25-year-old and you’re only 16 asshole”. And LIKE an asshole, he treats you as a woman gets treated by an asshole.

• He cheats.
• Openly flirts with other women.
• Never calls when he says.
• Listens to Coolio.
• Lipstick on his collar.
• Hotel receipts.
• His penis inside of another woman’s body, still attached to his body.
• Gets another woman pregnant.
• Steals money outta your purse.
• Jacks off to tranny porn.
• Has a 3-way with your mother and sister.
• Gets into a driveby shootout in your car which has you shot at by a rival gang the following week.

You know. Typical assholish behavior.

He hurts you over and over again. And over and over again you forgive him. Until he does the unforgiveable. He leaves you for a fat white woman.

Black women hate this.

Dating a “Good-Guy”

So now, unknown to you, you’re emotionally fucked up and ruined. Finally you begin dating good guys but you bring your “asshole” baggage and you don’t trust men anymore. So you start searching for dirt on the good guy and if you don’t find any you just suspect that he’s a good liar or cheater. Until one day, you find something minor. It could be anything. You know, tiny insignificant shit.

And with these tiny morsels of “evidence” you blow it out of proportion because you figure, “Where there’s smoke…” So you switch up and get all easily agitated at every little thing and making life hard for your good guy.

You withhold sex or you’re cold to him, because now you’re SURE that “all men ain’t shit.” So, feeling alienated and pushed away by you he finally DOES cheat because another lady actually showed some interest in him and built him up instead of tearing him down all the time.

How Can You Fix It?

The hell if I know…women are complicated. Besides, this is all the time I have for today. What’s really gonna blow your mind though is that once upon a time, all of these assholes were ONCE good guys. Guess nice guys really do finish last. What a world of difference it makes when instead of chivalry and manners you just ignore her and remain rude, huh? Turns out, women respond better to that shit. And that folks is The Circularity of Damaged Relationships.

Q Double:

Word to Eddie Kang.

As Promised

As promised here is a giant, blank space for all the ugly ladies to stare at while humming your favorite Boys II Men song. If you need a BIIM member to fantasize about, pick Mike (BASS).

STARE HERE

Mike would barely even sing. He’d just stand there with his cane and wait for the bridge or everyone else to stop whining to do his little “Baby why’d you leave me” talks.

They always started off the same way too. “Baby…Why’d you ever have to go? I never meant what I did. Blah, blah, blah, blah………Just come back to me. The End.”

What he didn’t know is, his “Baby” was somewhere getting gangbanged by Mr. Dalvin and Devante Swing while he was pouring his heart out to her. She just stuffed some pillows under her blankets to make it look like she was asleep in bedroom that Mike snuck in through the window.

THE END.