Worth The Listen: Patrice O'Neal "Mr.P"

I got this from a friend of mine who said, "this shit will have you laughing like you haven't laughed before." Comedy CD's are good when done right. The trick is you got to engage with the audience like you sitting in the room with them, Pryor did that perfect. Don't pass me a Carrot Top CD cuz I'll toss that shit into a garbage disposal, same goes for Dane Cook, he's corny, don't get, don't wanna get him, he's fucking atrocious.

...Enough of that...

Guido is The New Black

OH YES!!!! YES! YES! YES!

I must say, from the bottom of my black, soulless heart, thank you. Finally, there is an ethnicity that is being portrayed in a light that is offensive and stereotypical. Since black folk were on the ships crossing the vast Atlantic Ocean, we have been forced to do the Chicken George, Yezza-Massa dance. From that to the minstrel shows, to the token black guy in all those movies, yep, a change has come. 


Because now, Italians are becoming the ones, front and center, of the entertainment minstrel show. Yes people. Guido has become the new Mantan. 

The Circularity of Damaged Relationships

Kiss me, feel the fireworks, watch the sky/I make you smile, but you’d rather have what makes you cry.

-Tupac Shakur (Jon B ‘Are You Still Down’)

Disclaimer: I’m not even supposed to be writing about this shit. Snugg and Q Double, this is more of their thing. There are plenty of dumb things out there happening right now that I, Q. Busy, could be ridiculing, satirizing or making fun of. But instead I’m here. Writing ANOTHER an article about—of all things—relationships.

To all of our faithful readers, yes, all three of you, I apologize in advance if this comes across as redundantnessousity (word I just made up). But this topic gives us SO fuckin much material that I don’t think it’ll ever tire upon us.

Q Double:

Whatever son, just hurry the hell up. It’s just about time you returned with a proper article. That “Relationships and Gum” shit barely even qualified as a tweet.

Q. Busy:

Fuck off. Tweet deez nigga.

Both:

@IncScribes

So sit back, relax, catch a contact, sip ya Cognac.

I present to you.

The Circularity of Damaged Relationships

Punkass Jeans

By: Q. Busy, Q Double and Incredulous Scribes affiliate M. Drumline of M. Drumline Productions.

What's wit all the clothes nowadays and all that bullshit on the back of the pants? That shit don't match wit everything and they expect u to pay $70.00+ for that shit only to be able to wear it with a fucked up looking shirt of the same brand once every two or three weeks.

Niggas is getting older and broker nowadays and yet they still go out and spend their entire check on two damn outfits.

TWO.

FFW. FORFUKINWAT?! To lie to everybody else like you're living the life and to "fit in"? Grow up and be an adult, a parent, a mentor. Something that's worth it that shows the world u made a difference to someone. That you're someone worth being: for your kids, for someone less fortunate, for someone without anyone to look up to. Instead of making YOURSELF look less fortunate by trying to show off the latest outfit to better ur popularity.

Stop buying that bullshit.

And take them damn punkass, pussass, sweet ass, uglass jeans off.

-M. Drumline

Blue denim jeans: Quite possibly the most versatile piece of clothing ever created, fit for a man or a woman depending on the cut. You can style them with some wheat-colored Timbs or some nice high heels. Nice with a white tee or a fly ass blazer.

What the FUCK can you wear with your once-respectable jeans with a fuckin TIGER coming out of a DRAGON'S mouth on both of the back pockets?!!!!

The world is a gay place. Getting gayer by the day.
(Not that there's anything wrong with being gay...if YOU'RE GAY!)

Which you probably are.

But still, take them damn punkass, pussass, sweet ass, uglass jeans off.

-Q. Busy

I can wear the same pair of blue jeans for a whole damn week. And they just get better with time. That dragon, cock, baseball bat on the back pocket gets a GTFOHWTSABS!!!!!

And FUCK SKINNY JEANS!!! Grown ass men rockin my side piece's jeans and shit. Ole "lemme get a size 36 but I wear 42" ass nicca. Ole "ayo baby how bout I wear yo jeans tonite" ass nicca.

Now take them damn punkass, pussass, sweet ass, uglass jeans off.

-Q Double

Q. Busy Answers Viewer Mail Pt. 2

"Once again back it's the incredible."
-Chuck D. "Bring The Noise"

In our second part of "Q. Busy Answers Viewer Mail" we navigate the murky waters of the BP oil spill, provide some insight on workplace relationships and we may or may not find out a bit more of the personal sides of our until-now pretty secretive Incredulous Scribes.

SECOND LETTER

Death Jam

By Q. Busy

"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives." -A. Sachs

Can't eat ribs. That'll kill ya. Can't have raw sex. That'll kill ya. Can't take a quiet stroll on a Summer's night. Some crazy white man will gut you and strangle you with your own intestines and then rape your empty eye sockets.

And then they'll kill ya.

Can't cheat on your man. He'll kill ya. But we gon' all die one day anyway right? Can't smoke. That'll kill ya. Can't drank. That'll kill ya. I mean what the fuck?! This some ole bullshit. Pretty soon stickin a gun to your head and pullin the trigger gon be able to kill you too...

..Wait.

Uh oh, you should've run that yellow light instead of stopping. And now at this next intersection an escaped pack of rhinos is waiting to anally abuse you with their giant erect tusks. Too bad, so sad.

I'm just sayin. Every damn thing can kill you. Anybody...name the most harmless activity you can think of, and I'll tell you how it can kill you. Don't worry, I'll wait.

And that all life is: A laugh here, and a nut there. But all it REALLY is, is a chain of events in which your ass was fortunate to avoid death.

Sure...today it's all good. But tomorrow that nigga that you refused a dance with at the End-of-the-Year 5th grade dance may just pop out of your bushes as you're entering your crib and stab yo ass

.

See what I'm sayin? All that shit matters.

Many people spend such a substantial portion of their lives working a job that they don't like, to afford things that they don't need, to impress people that they can't stand. What a tragic waste of something so special, so finite as the only life you'll ever get. I don't know about you all, but I love ME too much to not pursue all of my goals, passions, and ambitions before my number is called. I encourage you all to do the same.

I guess what I'm ultimately tryna say is: Life wants you dead. And whether you're ready or not, when it's your time to go, it's your time to go.

But life doesn't always hafta win, you could always just kill yo'self.

Q. Busy Answers Viewer Mail Pt. 1

“Up in this bitch I’m what you might consider, an authority figure. Y’know everybody gotta get my help or ask my advice, like, on all kindsa shit.” –Avon Barksdale, ‘The Wire’ Season Five, Episode Two

Here at I.S. we receive lots and lots of fan mail commending us for our thankless efforts to educate and entertain the masses. And by “lots and lots” we mean, ‘not much at all’. Just a lot of death threats from: scorned ex-lovers, MySpace studio gangsters, and just plain ignant muhfuckas.

Still, with what we do receive, there are some gems to be found...and then there’s these. So without further ado, we present to you:

“Q. BUSY ANSWERS VIEWER MAIL”

P.S. Why is it ‘Viewer’ mail and not ‘Reader’ mail, you ask? Because you touch yourself at night that’s why. Besides...I call it what the hell I want to. Kill yo damn self.

And now, on with the show...

GTFOH!

Let me preface this by saying I do not have any kids, despite always being surrounded by them. I have eight siblings who have produced my ten Gerber-baby-quality nieces and nephews (its obvious where I get my sex drive and my looks honestly). Maybe they like me because my ample breasts remind them of mother's milk. But for whatever reason, I'm always toting somebody else's cute kids around.

Men get hit on when they are walking around with cute kids: “Are these your kids?? All seven of them are cute-- even the lil Chinese one... you got some strong genes, sexy.” *facepalm*

Women-- we get ignored by any potential man who is not looking for drama (although some men will try to hit on a women in her third trimester “At least I know she putting out”. If you are approached by this man, you should do the running).

Jackmoves and the Beanstalk

By: Q. Busy


Fool what you want? We stiflin' them fools/Fool what you want? Your life or your jewels? -Lil Fame of M.O.P, "Ante Up"

Beware the media you consume. Hidden agendas and veiled messages run rampant throughout all avenues and facets of television, theatre, film, music and literature. Even your commercial breaks. What’s more alarming is that this covert propaganda is nothing new. Like pimping, it’s been going on since the beginning of time. And it’s gonna continue straight ahead until somebody out there turns the lights off on this small planet.

Can you dig it?

Some of these messages are harmless, comedic even. Like Scar from “The Lion King” being a subtle caricature of soul singer, Nick Ashford, of Ashford and Simpson. Others have more serious, tragic undertones like the Mother Goose nursery rhyme, “Hey Diddle Diddle,”—a commentary on being faithful to your partner. Everybody knows at the end how the dish runs away with the spoon. Yet read between the lines and you’ll see that the dish and spoon were ill-fated undercover lovers that were fleeing for their lives and brutally murdered half a mile down the highway after being discovered by the dish’s husband, "KNIFE".

Outbreak

DISCLAIMER: This news article is not an attack on the South. Just dumb sons of bitches in general. The author is actually from S.C. Still…kill yourself if you can’t take a joke.

OUTBREAK

By: Q. Busy

Contributions By: Matrix

"Fuck the dopeboy shit, to me it's played out/You still livin' wit ya moms runnin' ya mouth." -Rapper 'Matrix' on "Section 8 Anthem"

A virus has infiltrated and begun making its way through a small town in the upstate portion of the state of South Carolina. Officials are warning residents of Fountain Inn to be wary of the IaNR virus.

Uncharacteristic of many viruses, this particular strand of agent can be clearly seen without the aid of a light microscope and may easily replicate without being inside the living cells of another organism.

Early reports of those who have sighted the virus say that the virus normally travels in numbers of ten or more and are highly attracted to: tacky over-modified old automobiles, public displays of ignorance, and large wads of rubberbanded one-dollar bills.

The Dumb Shit We Do, Part 1

At least 20-30 times a week, I always see things around me that are just unnecessary and idiotic. You know things like having your kids go to the store and get you beer, or stuffing crack in your mouth so the cops don't see it knowing damn well they seen you put it there. Some of us call this dumb shit or just downright fucking stupid. So here is a simple, but thorough list of the dumb things that people do. This can surely transcend race, but for the most part I keep seeing black people do this dumbass shit.

1. Using our rent/bill money for purchasing shit we don't need. We all know somebody or have done it ourselves; shit I'm victim of it too. Rent is due in 3 days, you got the money in your pocket to pay it. Do you pay the rent early or do you use that bread for these Jordan's that are at the store right now? Or those new Salvatore's that are limited with only 500 made and you just got to get 'em? They are some nice shoes too, can't front.

2. Complaining about your job as you go to work, but at the same time get mad at the weather because you can't go to work. The weather was bad all over the country this winter, it just amazes me how one minute someone can say, "Man, I hate my job. I'm going to call in sick and watch my stories," to switch up the next and say, "This damn snow is fuckin' up my money, I gots to go to work."

3. People who complain about anything and don't show any effort to changing such. "What the fuck is taking this bus/train so long? I got shit to do!" Get a car. "Ugghhh, this muhfucka here get on my last nerve.” Ion't giveafuck. “My boo need to get it right or I'm gonna leave." So leave. I have found that people who complain a lot know the answers to their own situation, they just need somebody to validate and be on their side. FUCK OUTTA HERE! Complainers can and will slow you up, because unknowingly you have now been sucked in their fucked up life. With complaining there's always a solution, it's when you can't find a solution that you have a dilemma and then shouldn’t be too proud to call on someone for help.

4. Rocking a fitted hat/Dickies outfit/sneakers/freakum dress/ Uggs/ big chain/ [insert yours here] to a job interview. I understand people you want to express your individuality; you want to be YOU. But let's be real, would YOU hire somebody who came through with a fitted hat/freakum dress on? Damn the experience, how you carry yourself is the most important thing to remember in life. But for the sake of a job, play your position and look the part. How you going to remodel the house if you never walked in the door much less seen the blueprints?

Which brings me to this...

...Wait for it...

5. Learn to have a grown up conversation with actual adults. Let's use the job scenario:

INTERVIEWER

On your application you haven't specified what days and times you are available for work? When are you available?"

DUMBASS

Well, ummmmmmm shoot. It really doesn't matter what time. I'm available for availability so you can get at me any time.

*loads clip*

DUMB MUHFUCKAS! If you don't know how to have a genuine conversation with people, you will get nowhere...period. Talking to your friends is one thing, but what if you are meeting your boo's family. Are you going to say to pops: "Wassup my G, how's things lookin' out here for you my nig? (actually witnessed that shit)

.....or.....

Mother says, "So _______, I think my son really likes you since he had you meet us." Girl says, "I mean, it's about time isn't it? I thought his parents were dead or some shit,” (another actual account). People let's realize that talking about music, blogs, reality shows, BET, Beyoncé, whatever else is not going to get you anywhere far unless you trying to be a Wendy Williams-type who sole life purpose is to spread dumb shit out there.

*fin*

Battle Cry

By: QBusy

“There is no spoon.” –Neo

Incredulous. Scribes.

Incredulous…….incredulous…I

Incredulous?

Okay so ‘Scribes’ is easy enough, akin to ‘script', which involves writing. SUBscribe, DEscribe, INscribe. Moreover, seeing as this is a blog that one isn’t too hard to figure out.

scribe n. - A writer or journalist.

If you are an able-minded adult with an internet connection who didn’t know that one then you have a rocky road ahead of you here at I.S.—go on and kill yoself now, but not before deleting your browsing history. We don’t want a loved one to find this post open near your body and be named as an accessory to your suicide.

But what is this ‘Incredulous’ of which we speak? Glad you asked.

in·cred·u·lous adj. - unwilling to admit or accept what is offered as true; skeptical

So what then? Skeptical Writers?

Well…yeah.

Skeptical. Cynical. Paranoid. Smug. Self-righteous. Offensive. Outrageous. And maybe even a little dangerous…okay A LOT dangerous.

Actually we came VERY close to naming our beloved blog ‘Dangerous Scribes’ but then we figured some of you all would get it confused with—or even worse, figure it was inspired by—the movie ‘Dangerous Minds’. And that would be disastrous, because we all know that that movie sucked so much ass.

And yes Coolio, you fucking suck as well. But don't worry, you always did. Just take a little comfort in the thought of someone out there knowing that you still exist.

Anyway, where were we?

Yes...skeptical/incredulous. "Unwilling to admit or accept what is offered as true." NOT that which has been proven to be true, but what is OFFERED as true. In short, we march to the beat of our own drum kit over here. Free thought, open expression, unpopular opinions and thinking outside of the box is the basis upon which this blog was founded.

Jam-packed full of comedy, commentary, controversy and critiques, and boasting a mob of pissed-off writers from the Rotten Apple, Michigan and all the way to the Dirty South, “Incredulous Scribes” has arrived, and we got a lot of shit of our mind…U Mad??

Drop by and kick it with us often won't you.