Guido is The New Black

OH YES!!!! YES! YES! YES!

I must say, from the bottom of my black, soulless heart, thank you. Finally, there is an ethnicity that is being portrayed in a light that is offensive and stereotypical. Since black folk were on the ships crossing the vast Atlantic Ocean, we have been forced to do the Chicken George, Yezza-Massa dance. From that to the minstrel shows, to the token black guy in all those movies, yep, a change has come. 


Because now, Italians are becoming the ones, front and center, of the entertainment minstrel show. Yes people. Guido has become the new Mantan. 

Call it what you want: but these Guido, juice head, fist pumping, my new haircut, 8hr tanning, I'm from New Joyzee people are now the watermelon eating, grape soda drinking, Newport smoking black folk. Don't believe me? Well turn on the TV and look for yourself. The classic YouTube video "my new haircut" was just the calm before the storm. 



Sprinkle a Snooki here, a Situation there, and you have the first Guido minstrel show: Jersey Shore. This show has put the coonery of Flava of Love, Wendy Williams, BET, and Waka Flocka on the back burner. Who would have expected it to be such a hit?

*crickets* *crickets*

I did. Coonery needed another face; black people were becoming too predictable even to black people. So the brain children at MTV decided to make Italians the new Coon. Their stereotypes are near perfect, mostly true, but that don't matter. 

Mafia: Italian
Tanning: Italian
Half a can of hairspray in the hair: Italians
Olive Oil: Italian. 
Gucci: Italian (the clothing, not the rapper. Unless they want to trade?)

Package that all with a place where black people can't even get in the clubs, Jersey Shore, and you have a show of pickaninny proportions. But it doesn't stop there, a new show, MTV's "Moving In," where a majority of the shows feature Italians pimpin' their daughter out to two dudes. Now, VH1 has jumped on the Guido Movement with "My Friggin' Wedding," where these loud mouths Guido couples bring true to every stereotype stated. Homeboy said "I want a straight juicehead, fist-pumping, Guido wedding." This dude name is Johnny Meatballs, YES, I love it. Keep it up please. 

How long will this while Guido Renaissance last? Well, until the real mobsters whack the execs at MTV/VH1. Until then, I'll keep watching these shows. Because now, for one, somebody knows how black people feel.