“Up in this bitch I’m what you might consider, an authority figure. Y’know everybody gotta get my help or ask my advice, like, on all kindsa shit.” –Avon Barksdale, ‘The Wire’ Season Five, Episode Two
Here at I.S. we receive lots and lots of fan mail commending us for our thankless efforts to educate and entertain the masses. And by “lots and lots” we mean, ‘not much at all’. Just a lot of death threats from: scorned ex-lovers, MySpace studio gangsters, and just plain ignant muhfuckas.
Still, with what we do receive, there are some gems to be found...and then there’s these. So without further ado, we present to you:
“Q. BUSY ANSWERS VIEWER MAIL”
P.S. Why is it ‘Viewer’ mail and not ‘Reader’ mail, you ask? Because you touch yourself at night that’s why. Besides...I call it what the hell I want to. Kill yo damn self.
FIRST LETTER
Q. Busy's Response
My dearest dearest 'Concerned Mom', thank you so very much for your kind words and do please continue to follow our blog as we grow and expand. I will ensure that Q Double and Snug hear them as well.
I'm sorry as well to hear about your concerns with Dorian, but I think that I may be able to help.
First and foremost you shouldn't allow Dorian's artistic interests and lack of passion for watching sports, make you automatically assume that he may be interested in the same sex.
That's ridiculous.
Even myself, I've never cared much for the spectator aspect of sports but I'll play them all day. Maybe Dorian just prefers to busy himself some other way rather than watch a boring ass baseball game.
Furthermore, some of the most respected, MASCULINE and upstanding father figures of all time
have been portrayed by ACTORS---who, needless to say have a very deep appreciation for the arts. There's Reginald VelJohnson (Carl Winslow), and the dude that played the dad on The Brady Bunch, and...
...Well, maybe those guys are not the BEST examples but you get the point I'm trying to make.
But if you really wanna know if your son is gay, I have a foolproof method that can't lose. It's a family ritual and has been passed down from many generations ago. I watched one of my uncles do it to a cousin of mine when I was just a lowercase Q. To perform this ritual you'll need to take these ingredients and combine them in a bowl.
Make sure that your son is near by and take a pint of crushed epsom salt, rubbing alcohol, baking soda and dehydrated bay leaves. Mix in boiling hot water, scent of lavender, and bark of a palmetto tree.
And while you are doing all of this, if your son has slipped away and is somewhere else juggling another guy's balls--probably Richaun's--with his mouth, then that's how you know he is gay.
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