Corniest Characters EVER!

Show: The Cosby Show

Character: Elvin played by

Roles since show was over: Like we fucking care, as long as he not Elvin.

What makes him horrible: His haircut. His nose. The fact he called Cliff "Dad." Not even that he called him "Dad," he asked for permission to call him "Dad." Sandra was the lamest child out of the Huxtables, they could of at least let her marry someone who wasn't a pushover. Instead they introduce us to dude.


FUCK ELVIN!!!!! 





                                                                                     Show: Family Matters

Characters: The entire cast of Family Matters. Except Myra, and the little sister that went upstairs, only to never came back down. She did nothing wrong but tell the truth to the Winslow’s. She doesn't deserve to be on this list because the sucka-ass Winslow’s did her wrong enough. Sh also did porn, which is OK.

What makes them horrible: Look at them? Just take a gander at the whole family. Carl Winslow just screams "I love the way my polish glistens on my toes." The whole cast was just a reject Huxtables and the only reason it was being watched was because TGIF was the shit and to not watch it meant you had no friends. I get pissed off that Nick at Nite keeps showing Family Matters and won't even put on Boy Meets World. Laura Winslow was the pre-teen's Poster Child. She was telling girls if the good guy keeps asking young out, get him the fuck out of here, but make sure you take his flowers and if you need toyou’re your kitty licked, have him do it, then get him out. Yep, that's Laura, poster strag. But she got all moist and speechless once Urkel threw on a suit and got his Billy-Dee on.

Prolifik: Yo, you aiight? That almost read personal fam, got a story to tell?

Q Double: I'm just saying, she aint have to play Steve like that! What he do but make inventions and robots and time machines and split personalities, all so he can smash Laura. But nahhhhhh, she was all "no Steve you can be my cuddle buddy." Fuck that strag.

P: Riiiigggghht.....proceed.

Then you got that S-curl kid Richie. I think Eddie was touching him in his room while he was lacing his head wit texurizer. Who signed off on this show? Better yet, who made this show last like 8 seasons? There’s nothing memorable about Family Matters or deserves to be acknowledge with any awards. Fuck Family Matters as a show, torrent, and syndication, and if you got Family Matters on DvD, fuck you too! Except Waldo Geraldo Faldo, he probably was the realest character on that show.

P: Yoooooo, lemme throw my 2cents in.

Q Dub: Take the floor then.

Show: Boy Meets World

Character: Minkus

What makes him horrible: His name is Minkus. That's grants him this slot. He got no pussy. Shawn was smashing the black girl; he didn’t even get a whiff of vagina juices. Minkus could have had Topanga before puberty kicked in, before she became pleasantly plumped in the right places. Minkus could have had it, but his masturbating with no lotion ass chose to excel in education then vanish from the face of the show. Minkus was a cornball, he's that filler shows use to fit a formula. Minkus represented nerds wrong; they made him the white Steve Urkel, GTFOHWTSABS!!!!! Yeah, Minkus is weak for one reason and one alone:


He had the yellow super soaker I always wanted and my moms said "fuck nah use the water hose."

Q Dub: So just because of you little mommy issue your ass don't fuck with Minkus? But I got the issues?

Show: Parent 'Hood

Character: Robert played by Robert Townsend

What makes him horrible: I was going give him the accolades of Five Heartbeats and Hollywood Shuffle before I give my reasons, but that's not orthodox hasidiclly christian of me so I'll get straight to the point. What were they thinking? This show has no laughs, no premise, no point, the show was just the clothes that you wear when you’re doing the laundry. The only reason we were drooling over Zaria was because there wasn’t nothing else on TV. They should do a "we are they now" for that show just so we can know who's greeting you at your local Wal-Mart. One of the characters had tarantula braids...muhfuckin spider braids. How can that show be taking seriously.

..Last but certainly not least...

The Parkers: 

What was UPN thinking???

What I Learned On My Summer Vacation

• It's warmer in the summer so during my morning fill-ups the gas flows quicker as opposed to slow flow in the winter. This is the reason gas prices go up in the summer. 

• The heat makes folks CRAZY cause the murder rate seems to jump up every time.

• Lil B had one of the dopest albums this summer. Big Sean too, and Game surprisingly. The summer wasn't right if you didn't have at least 8 Weeknd songs playing before you went out. 

• "Jawns with shaved heads think they're eccentric now. FOH!!!!!! They shave their head and now think they got the aura of Isis and the beauty of Cleopatra. Tryna eat whole foods and read Black Panther books and shit. Go put a weave back in ya hair and be independent and irreplaceable like Beyonce told yall hoes to be." 

• It’s possible to go to nothing but free events the whole summer and have a good time. Met a lot of dope people along the way. You haven't lived until you had 5 Irish car bombs and chased it with three 3 wise men. 

• Oh it’s still fuck you hipsters. Ole "let me be different because that should make people notice me" ass muhfuckas. 

• Rise of The Apes and Transformers were the dopest movies to come out this summer!

• Last minute decisions are the best decisions ever to be made in the history of life, except for pulling out. Trust ya instinct within that first tingle.

• 'Member in grade school where they had you read 'x' amount of books for the summer? I read 6 books this summer. I be damned if a hoe say I'm not eclectic, trick I read Siddhartha twice this summer while you were watching Basketball Strags and Scorned Ladies.

Can't forget "Crooked Smile"  

Crooked Smile Trailer-(Teaser) from M.Drumline Productions on Vimeo.

• Black people need to get that chip off their shoulder, have a good time and party. White people need more rhythm and seasoning in their food.

• Going on dates really aren't that bad. Why was I so against saying "I'm going out on a date?" I blame rap for brainwashing the masses. Yeah, I blame rap and Beyonce for all this shit now. 

• These ladies really going natural and shaving their head and all of a sudden transform into Angela Davis. The guys out here really think because they have 5 pairs of Foamposites their all of a sudden sneakerheads. The game is truly fucked up. 

• People purposely like to live their life miserable and boring just so they can talk about how much their life is miserable and boring. Lazy miserable fucks.

...And that's how I spent my vacation....just the part I felt like sharing.

Now let's get this football season going!!!!

Randumb Words: I Can Find A Metaphor In Anything

"It's like your first time jumping in a pool. It’s uncomfortable, it’s freezing. After a few times in it, your body is used to it. So it’s easier to go in and enjoy it. Thing is the next day, it’s the same thing all over again." - Some Shit My Friend 

Black Man's Kryptonite Really is Water.

You ever notice when you're at a pool party how nobody ever jumps in the pool? Everybody comes to it with their trunks on, their bikinis on, but nobody gets in the pool. All surround the edge of it, talking, drinking, playing cards, looking at the asses, watching the few people that's in the pool or waiting for the first person to jump in as the OK to follow suit. If you want to jump in by all means do it because you want to not because you see one person jump in there. 


A pool party is no different than the life you live out here. Everybody got goals and dreams they want to fulfill; they just don't want to be that first one to do it. So they bring all the essentials to get in the water but will stand at the edge at wait until there's enough people in to say "aiight the pool must not be that bad, I'll jump in now." By that time biddies and fellas already pissed in it and the water warm as fuck because they were in it first. Playing volleyball and wrestling in that shit because they had all the room in the world. Once it got a lil too crowded the smart ones jump out and now go to on the sidelines and talk to the stragglers not ready to go in. Those are the easy to get ones. I'm just saying pay attention to the ones that's at pool parties who don't wanna get in because their hair just got done up or they don't have their water slippers or "I'm wearing my Jordan’s or Foams and I didn't come to get in the pool."

Those are the ones who most likely never took that chance at nothing. The ones who worry how other people will look at them. The ones that are quick to jump in the pool enjoy life and take advantage of what's coming to them. Not wait on the outskirts until 20-30 people jump in that and say "oh aiight the water must not be that bad." It’s already too warm and crowded all you can do is sit on the edge and wait watch all the biddies getting claimed up and taken for the kill as your feet get wrinkled and you twirling the beach balloon to yourself, looking lonely and in need of friends.

…Moral of the Story…

That's up to you to decide. Take it as a grain of salt or a gem make me no never mind. You can be the one who gets the party started or the one waiting for the club to get crowded and start dancing. 

Oh!

If you jump in the pool, right, and you happen to have cannonball'd in the deep end, right, and you don't know how to swim? LEARN! Now take that as a life lesson.