Top 10 Books That Should Be In Your Library So You Can Be Great At Shit

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1.       Robert Greene "48 Laws of Power:"

This book is in more projects and house in Black America than any religious book. You can meet somebody a stone’s throw away and I 77% chance they know of are read this book. Managers and CEOs and drug kingpins live by this book because it’s a blueprint to all the shit that goes on in history. 50 Cent is the perfect example who followed these laws to a tee and ended up knocking out his competition and taking his spot. To only drop the same music his opponent was and made the masses forget who his opponent even was.  There’s a reason why this book is in the business section of bookstores, take note of that.

2.       Aesop’s Fables:

I bullshit you not I, and read the original version. Just goes to show that no matter how much as a people/culture we say we've evolved. “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing,” “The Miser,” “The Tortoise and the Hare,” those stories got morals that are good for you when you older and for the younger kids who don’t know shit. Those good old life lessons from way-back-when remain as relevant as ever.

3.       Sun Tzu "Art of War:"

Fuck all the philosophical shit, my man Sun Tzu teach you the art of killing a muhfucka with tactical skills and precise ingenuity. He teaches how to keep the moral of the army happy and satisfied so when the time of war comes they’re prepared and ready to go at it. This been translated into business form but in my opinion hold no weight to the original scrolls.

4.     The Man Law:

There really isn’t a book for this. That’s because Man Law should never be written, it should only be learned when in the company well inform and knowledgeable guys over drinks at the bar, the barber shop, sporting events, and never around the company of women. NEVER EVER around women. There’s been whispers of there being a Woman Law out there but that’s impossible because women can’t even keep a group of 10+ friends with them shitting on each other

5.      Merriam Webster’s Dictionary:

This is for all those who can’t right for shit. The ones who think there to good for this because they graduated the 5^th grade and that’s all the words you need to know. That is true you can keep that grammar and make it in this world. Because there will always be room for another to make fries when the kids come out of school for the after-school rush.

6.     Greek and Roman Mythology (and Norse and Egyptian fuck just read all things mythological):

Zeus, Athena, Anubis, Isis, Medusa, Mars, Apollo, Odin, Loki, Titans, Ragnarok, Hades, Prometheus, Venus, Asgard, Ra and all that other dope old school shit is the best ever!!! That shit might not work so I’ll say there’s dope art that they had back then that would be dope ass tattoos.

7.       The Autobiography of Malcolm X:

Read the book and stop telling people you know who Malcolm X is because he got shot by the man who said “get yo’ hands out my pocket!!!!!”

8.       Paulo Coelho "The Alchemist:"

This is one of these books that has a good story but means something different to people. Highly recommended to read and if you all need a co-sign, Will Smith swears by this book and he is highly successful and got a bad ass wife I wouldn’t mind making serious fuck too.

    9.       A Law Book: 

Why have the Constitution and a few law books in you library? Well, why the fuck not? Some people out there get there criminal advice from Law and Order, CSI shows. Then, if that doesn’t work, you go to the dude who was in juvie for 6 months because he should know the law, I mean, the muhfucka was in jail. Sometimes you can’t get your advice from someone who “heard” that’s what happens. Keep a law book in your house and pay attention to the court system because how you think Casey Anthony go off, wasn’t because she listen to Gucci Judicial Words of Wisdom.

10.   Steve Harvey "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man:"

We deliberated this one heavily; because here at I.S. we have no love lost for Mr. Hightower and his misguided, fuck boy ways of making this book and then another one after that.

…But…

I say have this book in your collection because most likely all these females out here following this bum ass advice when they out in the streets looking for a man so you might as well know what he spewing into their head. Strags out here really think that they’re meeting the family within 90 days or 6 months (some shit like that it been awhile since I looked in it) of a relationship. Steve Hightower gave females a book on trying to be men and now he gets called a “relationship guru.” Read this book and take it as a conversation starter.

I know I didn’t put Confucius or Shakespeare or James Baldwin or Dale Carnegie some other shit you might be mad at, my advice: go buy them shits too. This was only a template not the rules written in stone, this are books that you might need to get you to that level of higher power besides snorting up coke or smoke pounds of weed. The greatest power you can have is your mind, make use of the shit. 

B.B.M. (Bitter Bitch Manual)

"Strags had been in this game for years, bitter and un-manageable. There are rules to the bitchin, I created them a manual. This step-by-step blog shit will help them get...baby mama-d up; no man will ring you up. 

We here at I.S. have noticed that the rules to the game have changed. These young kids don't know what respect and order is these days (I blame the parents). The art of marriage is all fucked up because nobody can even say the last time they've been to weddings. Then there the mad women, the bitter bitch as I called the, they lost all structure and order to be successful at it. Through many hours of studying and watching women at parks, stores, salons, and day care centers we've  compiled simple guidelines that we female can make the "I hate all men" women elevate to that bitter bitch supremacy that we foresee her soon being. 

So sit back ladies and gentlemen, drink the wine that Sutter Home has provided you, and enjoy. As we present to you:

THE BITTER BITCH MANUAL 

Get Up, Get Out, and Get Something

There's nothing worse than laying on ya ass not doing nothing. Sitting back, chilling, watching all the soaps, all the talk shows, watching those Everest College commercials where they telling you to get up off your ass and get a job. It's the most depressing way to live. Muhfuckas will jump on Facebook for 25hrs and stalk people pages but won't even use that time to find what skills the got to do things in life. Muhfuckas are quick for a hand out but don't even want to put in that work to get there.

This here is just a few of the many ways simple, everyday things can be used to make you money. Because know that as time moves on, nobody wants to be that one who still waiting for their time to shine.

Randumb Words and Thoughts from Q Double

REALLY, WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY!!!!

You Either The Problem or The Cause

Today marks the first day of Black History Month aka "This Yall 'One' So Don't Complaining for the Rest of the Year" Month. So we figure it should start off without all that "Martin Luther the King set the slaves free" and non-stop "Roots" marathons on TV One (It's still FUCK BET until...), but instead with this memorable moment from Higher Learning.

If you ain't see this movie and you're over the age of  knowing the difference between herpes and a hair bump. You deserve to be taking for everything you have by some trailer trash hillbilly. 

This finna be a good month people. Stay Tuned.

11 for the '11

Last year I did a list of things that need to die and never see the light of the '10. Many people agreed but still UGGs remains here to be worn during rainy days while leaning to the side. So for the '11, I put together 11 things that will keep us going this year. Hopefully some take heed to this and become a better person.


So get you 4loko, smoke your black and here is the 11 for the '11.

Guido is The New Black

OH YES!!!! YES! YES! YES!

I must say, from the bottom of my black, soulless heart, thank you. Finally, there is an ethnicity that is being portrayed in a light that is offensive and stereotypical. Since black folk were on the ships crossing the vast Atlantic Ocean, we have been forced to do the Chicken George, Yezza-Massa dance. From that to the minstrel shows, to the token black guy in all those movies, yep, a change has come. 


Because now, Italians are becoming the ones, front and center, of the entertainment minstrel show. Yes people. Guido has become the new Mantan. 

Word & Thoughts from Q Double: Election 2010

"No, if you never see me another time in your life, if I die in the morning, I'll die saying one thing: the ballot or the bullet, the ballot or the bullet." - Malcolm X



*takes sip of Gran Marnier*

*takes deep breath*



I gave up on black folk.

This may sound brash and racist to some people. So let me explain myself. The actual number hasn't been calculated yet, but on Twitter, people are saying 4.7%, and on some news channels they are saying roughly 10%. So let's average that and say 7.35% of African Americans went out and voted for Election Day 2010. 7.35 muhfuckin percent!!! I don't have the numbers from 2008 when Barack Obama was running, but I'm sure that the percentage for that time is higher than the percentage of alcohol in Hennessey. That goes to show the world that black Americans don't give a fuck about giving a fuck.

Q Dub: Youth Ambassador?

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." James Baldwin - Nobody Knows My Name. 

My age bracket, mainly people that were born in the 80s, where stuck in generational purgatory. We are right in the middle of the ones that had to break down walls for the betterment of us, and the youth of today who got it easy with the internet, cell phones, and the best thing ever, internet porn. The kids these days don't know about stealing the Black Tail out the store and hiding it in the mattress. They don't know about using a payphone and a calling card to call home. These lil' muhfuckas just don't know!!!!!!

*gathers myself*

Like I was saying, my generation is caught in the tug-o-war battle between them. There are people my age that complain about how kids are disrespectful and don't listen to authority. Then I ask:

I.S. Presents: Interviews of ...U Mad? Kind

Before Incredulous Scribes, we were (and still are) a lil' group of people, from all walks of life, who would get together on our Blackberry's and have discussions about many things. Whether it is current events, relationships, or whatever that is going on in your community you would like to change for the better. We had many interesting people come and go in "…U Mad?" group, but we had one in particular whose story we felt should be told. 

He goes by many names; I call him "The Sagacious One," always looking for the key to life with his knowledge and insight. He's one of the few people who I can acquire some knowledge from. After reading this you should have a feeling of relief there are people trying to change where the live. As well as give the youth something, and someone, to look up too. 

So sit back in your office chair, park bench, couch or wherever. Grab you a chew stick, Egyptian Musk oils, and a Kama Sutra, because you going to need it after this. 

So we at I.S. present to you, The 5th Jewel.

*This interview was done in the winter because if it was snowing in the summer, George Bush would have finally revealed he's the devil.*

Interview by Snugg McNugg

This Is What News Has Come To…

Scribed by Snug McNugg, Ph DDD.


1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. I know this statistic to be painfully true for myself and many other women I've come across in life.

It's not anything to joke about or make fun of. It happens more often than people care to admit.

And that's why I figure I'm probably going to hell for repeating this "Bed Intruder" video so many times.  



Not only do I feel the eyes of all the bra-burning, protesting feminists who came before me; I also hear the 6pm parlor conversations of my mother and grandmother forever emblazoned in my memory: "Newscasters will find the dumbest fools to interview, won't they?"

Dear B.E.T. Vol. 1

You more than likely don't know who I am. Better yet, I'm just a number to you. Mainly just ratings for you to keep your advertising up, rake in millions of dollars, and show more of your outstanding broadcasting that you have been serving for years.


I'm going to blunt here, I will try not to hold back too much as you and whoever is reading this will rip it up and not give it any notice. We're in the digital era, in that case I don't want you to throw your computer into the abyss and causing a meltdown inside your network.




But let me be clear and direct…

Your channel has been a piece of shit for that last few years. It hasn't got any better and if it continues to decline, consider me the first of many to petition for you to take that 'B' off of your name and from then on be called "The Nigger Network." Yes "The Nigger Network." Deal with it.

Q. Busy Answers Viewer Mail Pt. 2

"Once again back it's the incredible."
-Chuck D. "Bring The Noise"

In our second part of "Q. Busy Answers Viewer Mail" we navigate the murky waters of the BP oil spill, provide some insight on workplace relationships and we may or may not find out a bit more of the personal sides of our until-now pretty secretive Incredulous Scribes.

SECOND LETTER

The Do's, Don'ts, How-To's, & All the Debate That Goes With Cuddling

-Cuddling: Inflected Form(s): cud·dled; cud·dling \ˈkəd-liŋ, ˈkə-d^əl-iŋ\

transitive verb: to hold close for warmth or comfort, or in affection

intransitive verb: to lie close or snug: nestle, snuggle

-          Courtesy of Merriam-Webster

That's what the word means. So from here on out we will use this definition and not the Urban Dictionary definition or what your interpretation of the word means. Use this as a guideline ladies and gents as what should be considered cuddling and what shouldn't. Take heed to these rules, for they come from peoples own experiences, stories, and all they been through. More than likely one of yours could be up here.

The Dumb Shit We Do, Part 1

At least 20-30 times a week, I always see things around me that are just unnecessary and idiotic. You know things like having your kids go to the store and get you beer, or stuffing crack in your mouth so the cops don't see it knowing damn well they seen you put it there. Some of us call this dumb shit or just downright fucking stupid. So here is a simple, but thorough list of the dumb things that people do. This can surely transcend race, but for the most part I keep seeing black people do this dumbass shit.

1. Using our rent/bill money for purchasing shit we don't need. We all know somebody or have done it ourselves; shit I'm victim of it too. Rent is due in 3 days, you got the money in your pocket to pay it. Do you pay the rent early or do you use that bread for these Jordan's that are at the store right now? Or those new Salvatore's that are limited with only 500 made and you just got to get 'em? They are some nice shoes too, can't front.

2. Complaining about your job as you go to work, but at the same time get mad at the weather because you can't go to work. The weather was bad all over the country this winter, it just amazes me how one minute someone can say, "Man, I hate my job. I'm going to call in sick and watch my stories," to switch up the next and say, "This damn snow is fuckin' up my money, I gots to go to work."

3. People who complain about anything and don't show any effort to changing such. "What the fuck is taking this bus/train so long? I got shit to do!" Get a car. "Ugghhh, this muhfucka here get on my last nerve.” Ion't giveafuck. “My boo need to get it right or I'm gonna leave." So leave. I have found that people who complain a lot know the answers to their own situation, they just need somebody to validate and be on their side. FUCK OUTTA HERE! Complainers can and will slow you up, because unknowingly you have now been sucked in their fucked up life. With complaining there's always a solution, it's when you can't find a solution that you have a dilemma and then shouldn’t be too proud to call on someone for help.

4. Rocking a fitted hat/Dickies outfit/sneakers/freakum dress/ Uggs/ big chain/ [insert yours here] to a job interview. I understand people you want to express your individuality; you want to be YOU. But let's be real, would YOU hire somebody who came through with a fitted hat/freakum dress on? Damn the experience, how you carry yourself is the most important thing to remember in life. But for the sake of a job, play your position and look the part. How you going to remodel the house if you never walked in the door much less seen the blueprints?

Which brings me to this...

...Wait for it...

5. Learn to have a grown up conversation with actual adults. Let's use the job scenario:

INTERVIEWER

On your application you haven't specified what days and times you are available for work? When are you available?"

DUMBASS

Well, ummmmmmm shoot. It really doesn't matter what time. I'm available for availability so you can get at me any time.

*loads clip*

DUMB MUHFUCKAS! If you don't know how to have a genuine conversation with people, you will get nowhere...period. Talking to your friends is one thing, but what if you are meeting your boo's family. Are you going to say to pops: "Wassup my G, how's things lookin' out here for you my nig? (actually witnessed that shit)

.....or.....

Mother says, "So _______, I think my son really likes you since he had you meet us." Girl says, "I mean, it's about time isn't it? I thought his parents were dead or some shit,” (another actual account). People let's realize that talking about music, blogs, reality shows, BET, Beyoncé, whatever else is not going to get you anywhere far unless you trying to be a Wendy Williams-type who sole life purpose is to spread dumb shit out there.

*fin*